so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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