yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
