In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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