Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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