Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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