I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
