im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I need a beard to bite.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
