I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
