I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
