Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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