I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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