I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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