u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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