I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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