dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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