I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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