I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
