i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
