I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
