Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize