Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You smell like stripper and shame
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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