Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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