So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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