I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
