Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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