____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize