Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
