we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
