you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
