so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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