3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
