I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this just has baby written all over it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
