And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
