hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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