I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
