I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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