Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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