Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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