My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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