Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
