well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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