Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
this just has baby written all over it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
