yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
