When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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