I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
