This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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