just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
