It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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