this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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