they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
