I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
