It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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