Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
