Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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