I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize