Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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