please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
