How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
