would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
