I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
