I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
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