As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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