Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
