i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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